While i was on my way back home during the train journey, reading your text suddenly made me sad. I was trying real hard to hold back those tears. But as hard as i tried, eventually i still did burst into tears. I tried so hard to hide it so that no one else would see it.
Obviously some people noticed, especially the guy beside me. It was embarassing though. But i could no longer hold it back.
While walking back home, i suddenly started crying again. Only that it was much worst.
In the end i just cried my heart out like there is no tomorrow when i decided to sit under a void deck. i didnt feel like going back home. Cause whenever i cry my face would turn real red.
So it's easy for people to know whether i had just teared up.
I swear i could no longer hold back the tears, all i wanted to do was just to cry badly.
People walk past every now and then looking at me. But i just cant seem to stop crying.
Eventually when u apologized, the crying started to simmer down, but i still didnt feel any better.
I really dont know.
Why cant i just a peaceful life for once. Each time when im starting to be get my mind off things, there would surely be something bugging me soon after.
Sometimes i just want to run away from everything.
But i have difficulties getting out of the house, so what am i suppose to do then?
Do something stupid to myself? Maybe that would help.
But what's the point if it is only for a moment of relieve.
I really dont know.
All i know is that, you were wrong when you said i treated you like a toy.
Cause i never did. Never has it ever crossed my mind to. But you assume otherwise.
Im sorry if i made you feel neglected, i really didnt mean to.
But i really care for you. Sincerely.
I was afraid that you would leave me. Cause you had always been there for me when i needed someone to turn to.
You never fail to be my listening ears. You're never tired of hearing my rants all day long.
But sadly, we drifted apart. Maybe not too much, but still we did. Sad though.
I want the old you. That old you who always listens to me. The old you who always say things nicely to me. The old you who are never tired of talking to me. They old you who is always there for me listening to my every whine and complaints. I miss that old you, the old us.
I wonder if i would ever get that back.
There are times, when family are like strangers, and strangers are like family.
Sincerely, your awesome dudette, Syasya Sanchikas.
